You ask: Susan, why did you join the army? I certainly didn't do it by choice. I had an argument with Donald Rumsfeld because he stepped on Urban's wing at a Squonk Opera concert, and in the heat of anger, I called him a toastbutt. The next thing I knew, I was in shackles, in fatigues, and in Iraq.
Fortunately, the night prior to the incident, I had purchased a brand new feminine bouquet. This one didn't come with a certified pre-owned Lexus, which disappointed me, but it did smell like juniper leaves, it was insured for life, it came with a six-month membership to Crunch Fitness, it came with a new pink MotoRazr, and most importantly, it came with a full suit of invisible body armor. That's why this bird is still alive!
Many Iraqis are still alive too. They're not Iraqis anymore, though. They've taken shelter you-can-guess-where and are now naturalized cuntizens.
I hope to be back in the Broncks within the month. I've been sassing my sergeant and the food really sucks! Plus, Millicent and Urban are staying with Uncle Stanley-Bob, and I worry. I worry a great deal.
 I know. I don't use gyms to exercise. I go to furniture stores and do wingbops. However, I like to sit in the locker room and peck at any boners I spy.
 I destroyed it and sold it for its parts at the minijunkyard.