Susan, an avian (smellslikecher) wrote,
Susan, an avian
smellslikecher

I'm getting married

This time it is NOT to Noam Chomsky. This time, I am getting married to Rick Santorum. You may wonder why I am marrying a known Republican and an ass to boot. Well--to put it delicately, the man is weird in the sack. And by "sack" I mean my cunt. When I shove him in there, he wriggles like mad, entertains the cuntizens, and causes me to have orgasms. What better way to make this happen forevermore than to accept his marriage proposal?[1]

The wedding is going to happen six times. This is because I like parties. Agnes is my maid of honor, my maid of honor, my maid of honor, my maid of honor, my maid of honor, and my maid of honor. She will wear: purple, clear, a barrel, a viaduct, pink lace, and one long pubic hair wrapped around her body in the shape of a burka. Sister Todd is the best man, the worst man, the most mediocre man, the ring bearer, the bear ringer,[2] and the minister. Everyone else is a guest. Six times.

The first instance of this wedding is tomorrow night at 6pm. It takes place at jhobartb's improv show. Improv matrimony, singlebirds! This bird's getting a Santorum suckdick!


[1]*Okay, he didn't really propose. I said "Ricky, if you don't marry me, I'm going to go to the press about how you wriggle around in my big avian cunt and cause me to have pleasures." He said "Okay, bird, when's the wedding?" I said "Soon."

[2] We are getting married in a church that has bears instead of bells! Ding, ring, and dong!
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