Susan, an avian ([info]smellslikecher) wrote,
@ 2008-02-04 19:58:00
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Current mood: blah
Current music:Forceps - Pinch

Candidate Endorsement
I have decided to endorse a candidate for Vice President. This bird knows well that it is customary to endorse a candidate for President, but by jiminy, if I just don't care! An avian's concerns are plentiful and manifold, as well as mani-ful* and plenti-fold**, and everyone knows that the Vice President's office doubles as the Office of Feathered Affairs.

Therefore, for Vice President of the United States of America, I endorse Dick Cheney.

Why? I am lucky enough to enjoy an epistolatory e-relationship with Mr. Cheney (that means we email. A lot), and if that gentleman were to get a new email address to replace the memorable and classy "vice.president@whitehouse.gov," why, I'd have to change every entry in every address book in every email account that I have. I have thirty six thousand and fourteen email accounts and I use them all primarily to email Mr. Cheney! We are close!

So please vote for Mr. Cheney for Vice President. You can vote for anyone for President. I don't mind.

*full of manicures. A bird's feather-tips tell a lot.
**folded many times. This is code for "complicated."


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Penis Making Headway ( seems apropos)
(Anonymous)
2008-03-17 03:59 am UTC (link)
March 8, 2008. (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=61398650&blogID=365753567)A crowd of potential voters bump each other in hopes of having a chance to get a few supportive words in. The wait staff at the local Perkos Cafe are also just as star struck. As the focus of attention sips the last of his moccachino and is ushered out and into the awaiting black Suburban, the crowd follows. Chants of Head, Head is heard as the SUV drives away. This has been the scene lately wherever Sam’s penis has gone on the campaign trail for Congressman. But it hasn’t always been this way. Since announcing it’s candidacy for a seat in Congress, Sam’s penis has seen some bumpy roads.

"That’s where we first started having lipstick tubes thrown", points Sam’s penis, referring to his speech at a Chevron on Geer Road. His campaign chief, John Squires, jokes that his daughters and wife won’t have to shop for them for at least a year. The tube showers are just one of the many ways voters are showing there support for Penis, an obvious turn of events from last fall’s Modesto Bee article, in which Sam’s penis stated to the shocked reporter that his opponent, Cheryl Hayes of Ceres "can’t polish my friggin’ jock strap, [but] can polish this...". Obviously a turn off with women voters, Mr. Penis says he was misquoted. "Anyway, I was drunk. That guy had no business writing that."

Enter John Squires. The former City Councilman turned campaign head for Penis for Congress single-handedly made a dazzling turn of events when he told reporters that Penis was actually holding up a picture of his daughter, Maryann. The very next day, the female admirers began what is now a huge surge in voting popularity across the country. Even presidential hopeful Ron Paul tried to steal some of the attention, what is now being termed as "Sam’s penis envy", by pointing downward whenever he said the word "head" in a Boston College speech last Thursday.

Will the popularity continue? "Fuck knows", answers Penis. " The voters are very fickle", adds Squires. Fickle indeed. With the elections inching closer and closer, only time will tell if Sam’s penis will be the first member of a human anatomy to be democratically elected to Congress, or will just be a bust come serious decision-making time.

While staring out the window on his way to his next speech, Penis comes up with an idea to get an edge on his opponent. "Let’s challenge her to a pipe laying contest". As the others chime in with chuckles and grins, Penis simply rests his head on the on the seat. It’s a long time between now and November.

(Reply to this)

The Ostrich is Back! w00t!
[info]biguglymandoll
2008-03-29 03:48 am UTC (link)
I'll think about voting for Dick. Maybe. If he unloads the guns this time.
Glad you're back!

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